Don’t Let Others Drag You Into Their Own Storms

There are those who are capable of creating their own storms and crying when it rains. We are sure that you know someone with this type of personality, who create their own problems and later complain about the labyrinths in which they enclose themselves.

The most dangerous thing in these cases is that, most of the time, they manage to drag others into their own obsessions, in their moral or personal dilemmas. They make us responsible, with which, we have to add to our mind problems that are alien to us.

It is very common, especially in somewhat immature and dependent people. However, this fact, that of creating storms where there is only calm, is something that we have all suffered at some point in time, also due to a moment of insecurity.

It is worth reflecting on.

When we create our own storms on a calm day

There are days when we become more obsessed with things without really knowing why. “And if this doesn’t work out for me… what am I going to do? I will have no other way out! ”,“ It is seen that I am condemned to be unhappy, there is nothing that will go well for me ”.

These small examples are situations, thoughts and ideas that we can drift into at some point in our life. We don’t have to see it as traumatic or dangerous.

Existential crises are vital moments that force us to make equally important decisions.

• We can all create our own storms at some point, but they can be brief moments of weakness, in which our self-esteem must help us to overcome, to establish new projects.

• Do not regret or look with bad eyes to have had these thoughts. The real courage lies in knowing how to assume that “we are not well”, and that after the storm we need calm and light. Rearrange our thoughts.

• It is necessary to put aside what we feel to remember what we really deserve. Nobody deserves to walk through life thinking that the world is against them and that fate has closed the doors forever.

Cognitive restructuring

Cognitive restructuring can be a very useful psychological strategy to dispel these mental “storms” that we have all suffered or may suffer at some point.

Sometimes, our mind combines emotional discomfort and those automatic thoughts that we are not aware of and that tend to worsen our state. Hence, these strategies are worth considering.

• Every emotion, every automatic thought has a shape in our brain. So, when you notice that you are not well, take a notebook and describe what is going through your head.
• Use short words or phrases. Describe what you feel, what you see, what you notice.
• After that, it is time to “debate” and confront these ideas.

“I feel angry”, “People are bad” – “Why do I feel angry? Why should I think that all people are bad? – “Because someone has failed me?” – “What can I do to feel better”? – “Talk about how I feel with that person, face the problem and deactivate the anger that I feel ”.

• Once you have identified the emotion and that negative thought, you must prioritize the solution and, above all, integrate in your mind a positive state of liberation, that you will be able to overcome it.

To carry out this technique, you may need the help of a mental health specialist.

Protect yourself from storms that are not yours

We have just assumed that we too are capable of creating our own storms. Now, we know that it is an internal and personal process and that we are the only ones responsible for facing the problem.

However, a very common reality in our daily lives is that there are people capable of dragging us into their own problems, into their own storms. 

• While it is true that we can all have these moments of crisis, there are those who seem to live in a state of chronic crisis.
• They are very insecure personalities that need to be recognized, confirmed and taken care of because they see themselves incapable of facing problems that, sometimes, they create themselves.
• We can have friends, family, and even couples with this personality style.
• In these situations we can get involved in an atmosphere of negative emotions where, in addition, there is an “obligation” to have to attend to and solve problems that are not ours.

The most appropriate way to act in these cases is by maintaining balance and establishing limits. We will help you in whatever way we can, but making it clear that the storms that you create yourself must be resolved in the mind of the originator.

Support, offer encouragement, but make sure that they are the ones who find the solution they really need. If we provide it to them, it is very possible that they will not be satisfied.

Keep an adequate emotional distance. You already have your own problems and responsibilities. Do not carry weights outside your back or you will see your personal growth very limited. We must be very careful.

Remember that if you need help, you can turn to a mental health specialist to help you manage your emotions. What we have exposed here are tips that may not work for you.