How To Control The Rebellion Of Your Son?

Your child’s rebellion usually manifests itself in different ways, depending on how old he is. As you grow, numerous changes emerge, many of them motivated by the definition of your identity. Thus, there are two classic stages of rebellion in children, between 2 and 6 years old, and when they reach adolescence. In these stages, the child or adolescent wants to exercise and impose their will.

There are other periods of rebellion, for example, when children suffer from changes in their environment, something that makes relationships with parents difficult. This suffering can translate into rebellion.

Rebellion is a behavior that is considered normal, so we should not be overly alarmed. These stages of rebellion are, to a certain extent, necessary, since the child forges his personality, his identity and his individuality.

Therefore, it is important that you understand your child’s rebellion, but also that you know what to do, depending on the case. Your challenge as a parent is to manage their rebellion in such a way that it forges their identity, without engaging in bad behavior.

Strategies to control your child’s rebellion

You may have heard that during these stages you must teach discipline with love. Even if your child is young, he is able to relate what he does with what he was asked to do. You have to gather all your patience and respond to tantrums with calm and control.

It is also essential that you regulate their behavior by applying certain strategies, such as those presented below.

1. Establish clear rules and sanctions

Knowing family rules from a young age and the penalties you would face if you violate them, it will be easier for you to feel safe. This does not mean that it will never challenge them, so it is important that the sanctions are executed, as you have established them.

A home with clear rules makes children know what to expect. It also makes them know in advance the consequences of certain behaviors.

For the child or young person, this is nothing more than a form of predictability, stability and control of their close environment. That is, the rules and anticipation of the consequences will give you greater peace of mind.

2. Don’t celebrate inappropriate behavior

Your child’s rebellion is enhanced when, as a parent, you laugh at his bad behavior. Although it is very funny at the moment, you are giving a double message to your son. As a consequence, that behavior could go further.

Likewise, as this work carried out by researchers from the Cordillera Technological Institute shows, such inappropriate behaviors may be influenced by poor communication between family members or by parents’ disinterest in their children, so it would be necessary to keep it in mind as well.

3. Reinforce positive behaviors to control your child’s rebellion

One of the most common mistakes parents make is highlighting negative behaviors over positive ones. As a parent, you may be reinforcing these negative behaviors indirectly when you constantly comment on them and acknowledge little of what your child does well.

Praise the good your child does, this is as important as reprimanding bad behaviors in their proper measure. The positive parenting model, as this study published in Latin American Psychology Advances points out , promotes parenting based on being kind, but firm at the same time.

4. Show unconditional love

Even if your child fails again and again, he must be sure that he will always have your love. Explain that your annoyance is because of the way they act. Put yourself in his place, understand him and listen to him. Avoid yelling and do your best to stay calm. In the event that he is already in his teens, don’t question his mood and let him have his own space.

Attachment, as evidenced in this article published in the Latin American Journal of Psychology , is the relationship established with those people with whom there is an affective bond, so it is important for a good development and to consolidate the relationship between parents and son.

5. Recognize if you are fostering your child’s rebellious attitude

Many times, your child’s rebellion can be generated by a family situation that, as a parent, you do not know how to handle. Separation or emotional estrangement from parents is one of the most common causes. If there is some kind of tension between the parents, it is likely that the children perceive them and try to divert attention from them. Also  the preferences for one of the children provokes in the other rebellious attitudes.

6. Offer alternatives

Offering alternatives to children helps them reaffirm themselves positively in the face of circumstances. It also contributes to the development of decision-making skills in adult life. Offering your child alternatives may involve, among other things, negotiating with him. For example, allowing him to watch television until a certain time, if he does his homework first.

7. Use positive language

Affirmative language is much more effective than negative and imposing language. Positive language does not promote the defiant attitude that prohibitions produce. Do not focus from the language on what your child should not do, do the opposite.

When you talk to him, talk about what he can do. For example, say: “You can play with the bicycle on the terrace” , instead of: “You cannot play with the bicycle inside the house” . Another example might be saying,  “You can play guitar in the basement,” instead of saying, “You can’t play guitar in your room . “

About the rebellion of your son

No child is born with a manual on how to educate him, so many parents face that task with very few tools. We cannot limit ourselves to exercising our authority without worrying about what our children are experiencing.

Each child is unique and special, and how they react to situations will largely depend on what they see in their home as they grow up.